Are you ready to open your box? (II)

The story of online brothel

“Once we know where the doors of perception are, it’s really easy to open and close them, when we get used to own strange behavior.” quoted Paulo Coelho in his book “The witch of Portobello”. And I found it worth quoting before I begin to open the same box of yours with a different key.

Five guys crowning my “online” list yet beneath an eye-catching (yet indubitably a fake) add request waiting for my reply. With whom will you chat: known guy or unknown gal?

Confusion number 2: Should I chat or get ready; since Purva will be knocking my door soon?

And my final confusion, if I choose to go out with Purva, should I again go to upper lake or at some other place?

Confusions direct the flow of thoughts- After month of that bizarre encounter with a queer guy….

Before my subconscious mind could proceed with the string of thoughts, my conscious psyche hammered my heart, door unlocked, hormones secreted, cells stimulated and a single click over “yes” gave a fresh track to my today’s so called date with Purva.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Me: Hey Hi! (I don’t know why I didn’t controlled myself from doing so)

Shalini is busy. You may be interrupting

Shalini: Hi sexy! (Proof 1 of a fake profile)

Me: Sexy? Do I know you?

Shalini: Your acquaintance calls you sexy?

Me: May be jealousy halts them. (There was an urgent call for covering my stupidity of last statement)

Shalini: Ahaa, so you are!

Me: Probably.

Shalini: Then for the sexy one, I cut down my cost to 3000 bucks. As at least I will bear a pleasurable pain.

Me: Sorry?

Shalini: Can’t you afford this?

Me: Afford what?

Shalini: Don’t act as if you don’t know who am I?

Me: Must be Aman.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“Hey you are not still ready? I didn’t did my facial, even didn’t took snoopy for a walk, travelled with the speed of light .. blah blah blah .. And still you are not ready?” I guess you don’t need her introduction once again, rather I should get ready.

“I am not in a mood to visit upper lake today.”

Great! She too has the same thought, coz it’s really difficult to convince her for the things I want.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Shalini: Sorry, it got dc.

Me: No problem. (It was me, but not me)

Shalini: So would you like to have sex with me?

Me: No

Shalini: Okay, I guess you are not taking me seriously, or, as everyone sense, you are also considering it a fake account. So, rather than wasting my time over such chat, I think I should introduce myself. I am Shalini, a 19 yr old prostitute from Bhopal, these days finding my customers online.

Me: So, what can I do for you? You want to get rescued from your brothel? You realized you are a sinner? You want to commit suicide now? Or you just want more and more sex?

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It was the perfect ember for the upsurge of those emotions I never considered to think upon, those unfamiliar derivations from familiar theories, those realities of this bogus world. But before this tête-à-tête could start, she signed out from gtalk.

“Hey, I am getting late, let’s be in motion.”

“Ya, sure. I am ready”

As the elevator started descending, the guilt in her for using my profile elevated profoundly.

“I am sorry; I used your gtalk account.”

“No issues, you almost know all my friends”

“No, not your prostitute friend.”

“I don’t have any such friend”

“I am talking about Shalini.”

“Leave it, that’s a fake account.”

“But, I was thinking how a girl can get into such professions?”

“Why can’t?”

“Leave it; you don’t want to put light over this.”

“Only darker sides require light. “

“Yaa, but these thoughts will sound convincing if you can validate them with philosophy, psychology or logic.”

“Why don’t you ask Shalini about this?”

“Yes, it’s the best alternative.”

“I was just kidding, let’s go. If you want I ll Google for …”

But before I could complete, I could hear the heart beats of my PC, “Data” LED of modem struggling for stability. For the first time I was regretting my act of sharing my password with her, anyways all her attempts went in vain. She was not online.

“Let my PC sleep for some time, we can bother bodily waken up Janta of my locality.”

“Wait, you have a mail from her”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Every hour, four women and girls in India enter prostitution, three of them against their will. And I am one of those four girls, who entered into this one year back. Earning more than a lack (in hand) bucks per month, and I really don’t hit upon any grounds to leave this place, commit suicide or stop indulging in sexual activities.

Cervical cancer, Traumatic brains injury, HIV, many other STDs and Psychological disorders; you scholastic people know these theoretically, and here we experience them practically. May be, we greet our clients by abusing them, yet it too carries emotions, and that’s what our works culture is. Still no qualms, and if I am glad with it, what the hell is chocking your ass?

Shalini

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“Any comments ma’am?”

“Block her and remove her from your friend list”

“Hey she is online now, let’s talk to her”

“No way”

“Then go away.” I knew human psychology; certain things can’t be repressed so easily; and she responded as if to prove that:

“Ask her you want to have a voice chat.”

Even I thought so, for the obvious reason- confirmation of the fake account. But to my surprise she was ready for it.

“Hi. How are you?”

“What would you like to know?”

It was expected, so rather in placing two mirrors parallel I thought of looking into each mirror discretely. Her voice was serene yet vociferous, as if pretending to be happy, veiling some sort of inner guilt.

“What exactly made you, I mean why …”

“Have you ever read about Taoism?”

“Ya, the one that talk about flowing with the natural urges, without violating the natural laws.”

“Impressive, aren’t sexual desires of humans natural? Even Freud explained it II guess.”

Our voice ceased and words obscured, and before we could say, she pushed another problem, “What is the basic idea of existentialism?”

“I don’t know”

“Search engines are there for your service”

(Existentialism: The individual solely has the responsibilities of giving one's own life meaning and living that life passionately and sincerely, in spite of many existential obstacles and distractions including despair, angst, absurdity, alienation, and boredom.)

“Okay, got it.”

“What?”

“Meaning of existentialism”

“But not what I meant to say, anyways, have you ever read about Jeremy Bentham?”

“No” (establishment of our naivety)

“Utilitarianism?”

“The one that talks about greatest happiness and all, I guess.”

“Ya, exactly. Don’t you feel prostitution eventually leads to the increase in the general happiness of the world?”

“I don’t think so”, asserted Purva.

“Then think twice, when you speak. And by the way, you really carry great guts, talking to a prostitute and your girl friend at the same time.”

“I am not his girl friend.”

“I know, I referred you with the other term.”

“What the hell are …” I tried bringing down Purva’s fury, and I continued, “Don’t you think it’s time to clear your mirrors? I don’t know whatever have you gone through but that don’t mean your perceptions should follow the same lane.”

“Do you really feel to know my perceptions? I know what kind of character these college girls hold, and better don’t mind over my bitter words, since they are not for you, but still …”

“Anyways, before I continue I want you to know; that I am not a prostitute, but I don’t even regret being a daughter of prostitute. And sometimes I am really proud of her; she raised me in a brilliant milieu, being herself at that filthy place. And even at the cost of her life. She died last year; another target of HIV.”, she bawled cathartically.

Should we say anything? Silence occupied those airs of disgust, resentment and pain. There were several questions hanging around my mind, and I was sure same was the case of Purva too, but the most hitting query was: Was her mother HIV positive before her birth? But I really don’t carry such GREAT guts, which can allow me to raise this question. The squelch sustained.

And she continued, “I am pursuing my graduation in philosophy, working on my final project on Prostitution. And since I too belong to college culture, I find prostitution culture isn’t that sinful. College girls visit boys’ flats, stay there even during nights, have sex. And, don’t you think it will be derogatory for a prostitute to be compared with such libidinous girls?”

“Prostitution isn’t in our culture.” It was really an ignorant comment from her side since even I know something about of the Devdasi culture.

“It was expected, and you know why I justified prostitution with Taoism, existentialism and Utilitarianism, but not on the basis of ethics, religion and culture, because Indians are really capable of manipulating everything through these or rather using them as a tool for whatever they want. Even Libertarianism and Kantian imperatives can logically justify their nothing wrong in prostitution, but the point is you should be ready to see things, as he told, through different perspectives.”

“I think I made my point, and I have to go now. It was nice talking to you. Bye.”

“Same here, bye.”

“Bye”

Norman Vincent Peale quoted in his book Positive Imaging-“We never have all the information that would enable us to make an absolutely just judgment. There are always certain things known by God. So, its better to leave the judgment to him.” And even if you ever gone through The Bible, haven’t you noticed that even Jesus allowed a prostitute to wash his feet.

I end up this time also with the same post script(P.S ): Are you ready to open your box?

Are you ready to open your box?

We, as usual, were commenting on boys and girls, and criticizing the love birds around us. Sharing the same relation status -SINGLE, we do sometimes desperately feel like getting into a relation. But, I don’t think that commitments will really work in my case, and the very next moment substitutes my status with “HAPPILY SINGLE”.

Darkness is ready to permeate the sky, giving sun a routine farewell, with the red cruising in the azure, and these colors showing the bliss that they carry, without any sharp boundary, and with an eternal hope saying “See you tomorrow”.

And here, two gossipers are set to pour out all their old scraps before they start decaying.

Purva and I, generally, don’t get time out to our occupied routines: the same boring college lectures, MBA preparation classes and lastly, she knows when I am alone, being lonely is my first priority. So, we meet once a month, and spend an evening together witnessing this beautiful farewell, portrayed in the best frame, at the upper lake.

Observing all Bhopali couples, we were on the regular process of hit and trial method of pair making. With the best possible combination of angles and magnifications, our body’s self detector was set with the target of the eve, and it was in fact a rare event but we both targeted the same person. The object was more inclined in the direction of her desperate state.

Five eleven, muscular, fair and handsome- he was fulfilling the very first criteria in our list: physical appearance. His dressing sense was revealing that he was not a fashion freak, following the statement of sobriety. Regular denim narrow fit jeans, with a white tee, Levi’s canvas with a fast track watch the only accessory.

“He is perfect I guess?”

“On bed, I guess so.”, she replied.

Her bons mots, literally, are not only poor, but also ready to crawl at any instance. He was standing close to us, but far enough to catch the crabs about him, or about the future couple. He was so occupied by the splendid vista of the sunset that he didn’t even noticed we were continuously scanning him as if performing our end term practical. But, soon he came out of the sub-conscious state, surely due to the increasing intensity of jokes we cracked over him. He started coming near to us, and we out of our consciousness started looking in opposite directions as if the greatest admirers of the nature.

“He too boozes like you “, words jumped out my big mouth just as he crossed us.

“Keep your mouth sh…”

“I even share few more choices of her,” interrupted his mellow voice holding certain agony.

“Sorry?” We both responded over that obscure statement.

“You need not to be sorry” He replied.

“I mean, I didn’t get you?”

“You won’t”

“Any problem in life,” I knocked to empathize.

“Is being gay a problem?”

“Fuck man!!You must be kidding, you don’t look like them”, his epiphany recoiled her. Even, it was incredulous utterance for me, because all I knew about them was their girlish repute.

He started laughing, and until this boisterous mirth distracted the nearby visitors, he continued, “And ignorance in your prime problem”.

He joined us as an unwelcome guest, or a lecturer avid to edify his students. Hence, I came across a string of scenes, I haven’t heard about, or I just didn’t make a fuss to know them since they do not belong to my quiddity.

“It’s not your fault, not even your parents’, still someone need to be blamed, and an incognito soul can be conveniently blamed. Things can’t be erased by turning them hazy, or closing your eyes.”

“But it’s all your choice, flowing against the laws of nature”, she asserted.

“Neither it’s my choice, not it’s against nature”, He bawled cathartically.

And he continued, “These are again words of your ignorance, have you ever bothered to turn around the pages regarding homosexuality? As a matter of fact; 10 percent of the species are homosexuals, but why would you bother since you belong to the major 90%, and if you don’t, life teaches how to pretend to be a part of heterosexual majority. “

I found a cop advancing towards us, and the instant urge demanded tranquility of the waves. I asked her to be with the guy, till I manage to convince him that these waves are merely reflection of enjoyment. My poor convincing skill squeezed fifty bucks out of me.

“We need not to pretend, we are surely straights.” she giggled as if she had cracked a “good” joke (a rare event). It’s inevitable for her to uphold serious tone of any discussion.

“Yaa, you can barely make fun of it, making our lives as an old chestnut.”

“God made me so, then why shouldn’t I feel proud of what I am. But sometimes I can’t because of assholes like you all. Who are you to judge it’s natural or unnatural. Even Amartya Sen told there is nothing like prefect judgment, so whose rights you carry to tell, I am wicked. Even you can’t, how can you conclude a thesis without any set of observations”

I thought he will calm down, but it seems like it was a preplanned catharsis, waiting his own target of the evening.

“Relax man, yes, we admit, we don’t know much about these facts, but I am ready to hear you.” I solaced.

“Leave it; I don’t want to serve few more sources of pranks. We are not more than joke for you”

But, still he continued, “I am out to four of my friends, and…”

“Out ?”

“I told four of my friends that I am gay, and they gave an obvious reaction – “you must be joking dude!” but my life is not a joke”.

“Yes, obviously not, things we can’t understand are sometimes regarded so, may it be the case of mental patient, or an autistic one”, she replied.

I knew it was Anatara’s effect behind her voice. She is crazy about these daily soaps, still if they hit the true stain; I can say that these soaps are fine cleanser for few downbeat thoughts.

Finding him quiet, I thought of a mentioning my mere knowledge of high court’s verdict for them, “But now you have legal rights too?”

“What kind of rights? Will the society accepts us; will my college mates behave the same manner once they get acquainted about my sexuality; can you assure me that I won’t be discriminated at my work place; more than that will my family support me.”

“Not until you try to…”

But before I could conclude my quote, again she poured few more drops of oil in the flames. “How can they, this will lead to distortions in the Indian family system, Indian ethics and culture.”

And it led to the outburst of heat, whose sensation is still over my spirit. I know he was not wrong for what he said, but still, we both were unable to accept. We were not ready to accept I guess. We want to interrupt him once he started but I thought, let him speak out today, and indicated her not to utter anything until he finishes. Sometimes, it’s better to lend your ears rather than arguing, even when he goes against your ideologies.

“Indian family- father raping her daughter; son throwing their parents to old age homes; not only married men, but also school kids fucking prostitutes- Aren’t these issues distorting the family system? Aren’t they against our ethics and culture? I know not everyone does so, and this is what you too need to understand. Things, generally, have two shades,and it’s quite noticeable when you will compare the darker shade of homosexuality with the lighter shade of heterosexuality; the result will always favor the later.”

His words were really making sense, not in the context of philosophy but also logic. The squelch still sustained.

“I admit, homosexuals do commit crime; but on the other hand- straight people do indulge in homosexual incest just for pleasure or experimentation. And if they do so, why we are blamed, reason is uncomplicated, the coin tossed for us lack the fair side.”

Things were really shocking, even I didn’t believe much, but conversely, his words were too untwisted. We preserved a prolonged silence, and he continued.

“Sorry, but I am really pissed off with all these stuffs. Terrorists create terror in the name of God; the culprits are rarely punished. We are also discriminated in the name of God; in this case, why victims are punished .You know, my classmates have girl friends, still they visit prostitutes. And here, I love a guy, whom even I can’t propose: but who is wrong in the society? -Obviously me, me and only me”

And he left without even turning back, but our eyes followed him till he disappeared. Silence still existed, and in the midst of it laid many questions hanging around us, with no words to bring them down. The cacophony aroused by others still can’t absorb the silence brought by him. We didn’t lacked words, but it was voice. And this solemn silence raised the sound of clicking seconds;

“Time to leave, see you soon, Tchao.”

“Tchao”

In the end of the day, darkness may avoid us finding the sharp boundary between the two colors, but till how long?

P.S: Few words for the one behind this work; if you ever visit this blog I want to thank you for acquainting my box with your perspective. And for other readers I just want to ask-Are you ready to open your box?

Convictions….

I must say, you should hasten now, move out of your dwelling and kill the person living in your neighborhood.

Feeling good..?? Obviously yes. You saved lives of both you and your family. May be the one living there was waiting for a chance to slaughter you.

You simply did an act of self defence, an act of saving mankind.

Or

I should say you murdered an innocent just because according to your persuasion, he may one day harm you or your family. Are you a murderer or an angel from paradise for your kin??

I think we have got enough judging capability by God to look on as what’s fair n what’s fake. Don’t make your convenience your convictions. There are many matters that will be seeking for your response before leaving this heaven or hell (choice is yours, better to make it heaven rather than compelling yourself).

In my daily routine I come out with more those five convictions that people share with me. Still I can’t mention all here but still the one that made me fresh (really laughing helps me a lot in being fresh minded. This is my own conviction, so there is no compulsion for anyone to make it a rule) few days back was, three of my friends decided to attend classes uniformly. If one is not willing to attend class, other two will also leave that lecture. The conviction behind this is merely illogical, but still if I was one of them, (thankfully I am not), I would never let my friend to miss their class because of me.

People make barriers, break relations, run never ending race, close their eyes to hide themselves, just because they are convinced with what others say, or what makes them comfortable with that convictions. But before making any dialogue a conviction just use your brain, the ultimate gift from GOD.